Swept off my feet...

At the beginning of the summer, I bought a used copy of the 1968 bestseller Christy by Catherine Marshall.  (Summer for a teacher is a time to read fun books – books that require little deep thought…).  And yet, the story of Christy did make me think deeply.  It made me think about what love is.  Whether it was Miss Alice Henderson’s love for people, Christy’s love for her students, or the Doctor’s love for Christy, love kept appearing.  In fact, some of the most powerful words of the book come at the end, as Christy wakes from her coma (sorry for ruining the ending, guys) to hear the words of Doctor calling her back.  In response she thinks, “He loved me.  He loved me like that.”

Love.

That word is tossed around in our culture so freely.  We love potato chips.  We love the Olympics.  (yay diving!)  We love our friends and family. 

And we hear so frequently… “God loves you.”

But what kind of love is that?  Is it a love worth italicizing, like Christy did?  Should we be in shock that GOD loves us? 

Yes.

The Bible is full of verses that declare the greatness of God’s love:

Psalm 108:4  “…For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.”

Psalm 107:43  “Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the LORD.”

Great Christians of the past, who studied God’s word and spent a lot of time learning about Jesus, prayed prayers like this one found on page 53 of the Valley of Vision: 

“I know but little – increase my knowledge of Thy love in Jesus, keep me pressing forward for clearer discoveries of it, so that I may find its eternal fullness;  Magnify Thy love to me according to its greatness, and not according to my deserts and prayers, and whatever increase Thou givest, let it draw out greater love to Thee.”

Older hymn writers and newer worship leaders are stuck on the theme of God’s love:

 “So nigh, so very nigh to God; I cannot nearer be.  For in the Person of His Son, I am as near as He.  So dear, so very dear to God; more dear I cannot be.  The love wherewith He loves the Son, Such is His love to me!”  C. Paget, A Mind At Perfect Peace With God

“What heart can hold the weight of Your love?  And know the heights of Your worth?  What eyes can look on Your glorious face shining like the sun?”  - Matt Redman, Holy

I can’t begin to summarize God’s love.  The hymn “The Love of God” says well:  “Should we with ink the ocean fill, or were the skies of parchment made; were every stalk on earth a quill or every man a scribe by trade – to write the love of God would drain the ocean dry.  Nor could the scroll contain the whole though stretched from sky to sky.” 

I have realized that in this past year I have focused a lot on my struggles.  I wrote in my journal about getting through disappointment or trials…and while that is not necessarily wrong, I missed out on the joy of focusing on God’s love.

A few Sundays ago, I was struck by the story in Mark 14 of the woman who poured expensive perfume on Jesus – to the chagrin of those watching.  Those watching exclaimed over how expensive it was, and how it was a waste to pour it on Jesus when the money could have gone to other things.  And do you know what Jesus said? 

“Why are you bothering her?  She has done a beautiful thing to me.”  (Mark 14:6)

Wow.  Jesus doesn’t use words lightly.  He called what she did BEAUTIFUL.  She poured an expression of her love on Love Himself.  She sacrificially gave all – becoming more like the One she was worshiping…making her beautiful.

It’s the beginning of a new school year for me – and instead of focusing on my trials and thanking God for the opportunity to “smell more like Jesus” – like I did last year, this year I am going to try to focus on Love Himself.  When I am amazed at how much Jesus loves me, then the sacrifices really don’t seem like sacrifices anymore, you know?  And oh…how much more I must learn.

Besides Christy, I read a few other books during the summer.  One was called Total Truth by Nancy Pearcey and contained a quote that made me chuckle as I reread it today:

“Given our fallen human nature, we typically do not really sit before the Lord unless our legs are knocked out from under us…”

God effectively knocked my legs out from under me this summer as I had ACL surgery and a change of plans.  But it made me realize His love for me more deeply – and for that I am grateful.  His love is one worth italicizing…and one worth learning about forever.

In fact, I’d rather not think of it as God knocking my legs out from under me this summer….I prefer to think of it as Him sweeping me off my feet. J

Counting Clouds

“Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind?

Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?”

Job 38:36-37

A simple verse, isn’t it? It’s found in the Bible after Job questions God…and is part of God’s questioning of Job.



Who does give wisdom and understanding? Well…that’s God.



But who has the wisdom to count the clouds?  Doesn't that seem like a strange question?



P’shaw. I can count clouds. That’s easy peasy.



I’m just going to look up and count them right now. Maybe even in this picture from my recent trip to Alaska.

One, two, three, four…. Well, wait. What actually makes up a cloud – how many particles of water are needed? And where does one cloud end and one begin? And what about their formation? When does it actually become a cloud?



I’ve discovered that it’s not so simple to count the clouds.



But I’ve also discovered that the One who is capable of not only counting, but also producing the clouds, is the One who holds my future…and my hand.



It’s a lovely thought.



So in the midst of fun summer travels, time with family & friends, school work, interrupted plans, ACL surgery (yay Monday!), etc – I have found that one simple thing reminds me that I need to trust in the One who is bigger than it all:



I just try to count the clouds.

But God...

Isn’t language funny?  I’m reminded of this quote from the movie, Letters to Juliet:

“What and if are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.  What if.  What if?  What if?”

Sometimes, it’s not just the two words put together, but the way we say them.

“But God…”

I’ve been recently very good at saying that phrase in a whining tone…like a frustrated child that didn’t get what he wanted.

But this week, I have been reading again about the life of Joseph in Genesis, and have been amazed at the way he repeatedly said this phrase…without whining.

Here’s a quick recap on Joseph’s life in Genesis 37-51.

·         At 17 years old, Joseph has two dreams predicting that in the future his family would bow to him.

·         His brothers hate him…they throw him into a pit and sell him into slavery.

·         He works for the Egyptian official Potiphar, and is given much responsibility because “the LORD was with him” (39:2,3).

·         Potiphar’s wife comes onto him…he refuses her advances because he doesn’t want to sin against God, and is, yet again, thrown into a pit.  (this time a dungeon…but it is the same Hebrew word “bor”)

·         He, again, is given much responsibility (this time in the jail), because people noticed “the LORD was with him” (39:21,23)

·         Pharaoh’s baker and cupbearer are thrown in prison, together they have two dreams, and Joseph correctly interprets them.

·         The cupbearer, although he had been asked to remember Joseph, forgets him for 2 years.

·         Pharaoh has two dreams.  Joseph is called “out of the pit” to interpret them…and ends up becoming Pharaoh’s “right-hand man” and the second most powerful man in Egypt.  (Joseph is now 30 years old – 41:46).

·         Seven years of plenty pass, and in those years Joseph gets married, has two sons, collects grain, and stores up enough food to help Egypt and the surrounding countries make it through the next seven years of famine foretold in Pharaoh’s dream.

·        During the seven years of famine, after Joseph is 37 years old, he again sees his brothers…they do bow to him…and after a period of testing, he brings them and his father to Egypt and helps them survive the famine.

Whew!   What a story!  Obviously, I left a lot out.  And there are some amazing things within that story if we only take a closer look.  I highlighted some of the words above to bring them out, but I would highly recommend The Story of Joseph & Judah by W.A. Gage & C. Barber for more study.  It’s really eye-opening.

Back to our phrase, “But God”…

Joseph could have EASILY used a whining tone when talking with God during those years.  He was thrown in pits, wrongfully accused, and forgotten by people.  And yet, he trusted God.

He could have committed adultery with Potiphar’s wife…but he didn’t want to sin against God.

He probably could have tried to escape from prison if he really wanted to…he was in charge there.

He could have been frustrated with the fact that everyone else’s dreams were almost immediately being fulfilled…but his weren’t for 20 years!  (*Read what Joseph says in Genesis 41:32.  Crazy.)

But in the midst of it, we see Joseph say some amazing things:

1.       He recognized God as being all knowing. 

a.       Genesis 41:16  “‘I cannot do it,’ Joseph replied to Pharaoh, ‘but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires.’”

2.       He recognized God as One who has better plans.

a.       Genesis 45:8  “So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God.  He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.”

b.      Genesis 50:20  “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

3.       He recognized that God will always be there.

a.       Genesis 50:24 “Then Joseph said to his brothers, ‘I am about to die.  But God will surely come to your aid…”

You don’t hear Joseph use any whining.  He is just amazed by the character of God…the God who brought him through real trials, and used it all for good.

Was Joseph tempted to whine?  I’m sure he was.  Am I tempted to whine?  Yes. 

And though I may not be able to see 20 years ahead in my life, I can definitely see 2000 years back.

Because of a cross 2000 years ago, I can have confidence like Joseph that God will always be here, He does have better plans, and I can trust that He knows all.

And my hope is that when I'm tempted to whine "but God" in the future, this verse will hit me square in the face:

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5:8

Torn ACL, Fallen Picture Frame

Have you ever had a shower tantrum?  You can more than triple your tears by simply standing under the stream of water flowing out of the shower head.  It’s almost a satisfying feeling…but you eventually have to get out and stop crying.  And then, if you’re like me – God responds to your tears by causing you to knock over a picture frame and recognize His presence.

But let me back up a bit and tell you what started those tears.

As of yesterday's high school graduation, I completed my teaching for the 2011-2012 school year!  Woot woot!  As much as teaching is a privilege, summer for a teacher is such a welcome time of both rest and adventure.  For me, summer is often chock-full of adventures I’ve been planning for months, if not since the summer before.  Yet, this summer will look quite different from what I had planned.  And it’s all because God answers my prayers in ways that I could never dream.

Two Wednesdays ago, as I was playing Ultimate Frisbee, I planted one of my feet to pivot and the rest of my body kept going.  So silly.  I heard a rather loud pop (as did those on the sidelines who gasped) and was immediately on the ground.  After a minute or so, I was able to get up and move to the sidelines .  I spent the next few days icing and elevating my injury….which I hoped would take a mere few days to heal.

Alas.  That popping noise was the sound of my ACL.  According to my MRI and my doctor, it will require surgery to reconstruct the tissue connecting my femur and tibia.

After I found out about the needed surgery this week, I was not really a happy camper.  I was frustrated…I cried…I was unkind to my dear family members on the phone (sorry, Steve)…I was upset at God for letting this happen (especially when in church someone read Jude 1:24 about God’s ability to keep us from stumbling)…

And through all that – God continued to gently shower His love on me.

Last night I looked back through my journals, and I was in for a shock.  Here are a few excerpts of things I’d written a few days before tearing my ACL:

1.       “How much more enjoyable would life be if I sat back – rested and enjoyed Jesus?”  (May 1)

2.       “Sweet Jesus, I want to start on my knees so that later I will be able to stand for you in victory” (May 3, after reading Psalm 20:7-8)

3.       “…I know that if I think deeply enough, nearly everything here can point me to you” (May 12)

4.       “You want the sacrifice of a broken heart and spirit – because then you can come close to heal, bind up and save.  But without that brokenness – we hold you at a distance.  I think I have learned more about you by being broken than by having all my dreams fulfilled.  So may I thank you for brokenness – but even more for the healing power of your love.  You are good.” (May 12)

5.       “How much we don’t grow – or rest because our lives are one constant ‘doing’!  How can I dig deeper into life?”  (May 12)

6.       As quoted from Blackaby’s Experiencing God devotional:  “God does not need you to dream great dreams for your life, your family, your business, or your church.  He simply asks for obedience.  He has plans that would dwarf yours in comparison (Eph 3:20)”. 

Isn’t the irony overwhelming?  I asked God for more time to spend with Him, because I was always constantly “doing”.  I recognized that all things can point to Him.  I admitted that brokenness brings me closer to Him.  I even asked that He would start on my KNEES!   (granted, I was thinking more positionally…like I would pray more on my knees…)

But… I tore my ACL in my knee. 

So, I guess I unwittingly asked for this.  I asked God to help me to learn to sit, rest, and enjoy Jesus.  And I’m going to have to.  And all those dreams/plans I had for the summer?  Some will happen, but some won’t.  And He has plans that will dwarf mine in comparison. :)

I think I’d like to think of my ACL as an acronym. 

ACL = As Christ Leads. 

As the song by Jamie Grace says, “When you lead, I’ll follow – Just light the way and I’ll go – Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see – So lead me on, on, on and on…”

I don’t fully understand why.  I’m not really looking forward to surgery.  I will probably cry more.  But in the whole scheme of life, as a sweet lady told me yesterday, "This is peanuts." :) 

AND I know that the God who cares enough about me to send His Son is the same One who took the time last Thursday to make me bump into my dresser and knock over a picture frame.

A picture frame made during my high school years that I don’t always take the time to look at…

A picture frame that contains the words:

Alexis,

Trust Me.  I have everything under control.   

Jesus.

End of Year Focus

Well, I have approximately one week of teaching left in the school year…and then the giving of final exams.  Is that not craziness????  This year has flown.  (I should have written this in my hawks and sparrows post…because they fly…hehe…)

How do I even begin to summarize the past three weeks?  I’ve finished my last weekend class for my Master’s program (WOOT!), taught and helped my students with worm, seastar & crayfish dissections, watched silly videos both made by my students (Reptiles) and by college students (Harvard Baseball Team) , played some really fun & exciting Frisbee games, read Rainbow Valley and Rilla of Ingleside by L. M. Montgomery…

But I also realized that I have done a terrible job with spending quality time with Jesus.  I was so excited to not have to read books for my Master’s classes anymore that I went crazy and finished up the Anne of Green Gables series in a ridiculously short amount of time.  I’ve been trying to spend time catching up with friends I’ve neglected due to my busy-ness.  So, I wake up in the morning exhausted and hold my phone (my alarm), hitting the snooze at least 4 times each morning. 
And it’s not that any of those things are inherently wrong to do…they just have filled my time and pushed Jesus out of my vision. 

Yet even with my lack of attention to Him, Jesus has patiently showed me amazing lessons while I have been distracted.

This past week, I struggled with feeling like I was a horrible teacher – that I was too busy this year to spend quality time with my students because I was in “survival mode” with teaching, master’s work and coaching.  I wanted to be an encouragement to them and my family and friends, but this year was just so FULL.  And you know what?  I started to get frustrated with myself; I started to get frustrated with my students.  I was just plain frustrated.  And then I read this:

“God has put people around you who need your ministry to them.  You will never be able to properly help them, however, unless your primary focus is God.  If you concentrate on people, their weaknesses, their disobedience, their lack of faith, and their stubbornness will quickly frustrate you.  If, however, your eyes are focused on holy God, you will become more like Him – gracious, forgiving, long-suffering, and righteous.” 

~ Blackaby, (May 11) – Experiencing God Day-by-Day Devotional

Isn’t life all about focus?  And isn’t it true that the more time I spend staring at something, the more like it I will be? 

So what do I stare at? 

Books?

Movies?

the Internet?

People who I think are successful?

People who I want to reach out to?

If I do not carve out specific time to gaze at Jesus, then it’s no wonder my focus is off. 

It’s no wonder that I let little things upset me…which are miniscule in the scheme of life. 

And it’s no wonder that I cannot do the thing I desire to do – to reach out to others and encourage them in Christ – because by focusing on people I become more like them than Jesus.

“One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek:  that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple.”  Psalm 27:4

A while ago I heard this, and maybe I’ll give it another go:  I wonder if I can make sure to spend more time looking at God’s word than looking in the mirror each morning.   (hopefully, even double or triple the amount).

Hawks & Sparrows

This afternoon, while planting seeds in my flower pots, I lifted my head and stared directly into the gaze of a red-shouldered hawk.  (That’s my best guess as to the species).  It was breath-taking.  He was resting on a branch, probably 25 feet away and directly in my line of vision.  And when we locked eyes, I was so startled that I burst out, “Hi!” 

He stared at me for a moment, then unfurled his wings and took off…and I ran after him to see if I could catch another glimpse. 

But he was gone.

I don’t know about you, but moments like that are so exciting.  Seeing the unexpected, like the fox that turned and looked at me right outside my window a few nights ago, or the clear night sky studded with diamond-like stars, just makes me think – life is beautiful! 

How often I must miss the wonderful, the delightful…because I am too busy looking at myself. 

In the past two weeks, I have been thinking about fullness of life.  My thoughts were really spurred on by a quote from yet another of the L.M. Montgomery books.  In this quote, a fellow teacher is describing Anne, and the reason for her bitterness/jealousy of her for the previous year:

“You come into a room delightfully…oh, how I remember you into school that first morning.  But I think the real reason I’ve hated you so is that you’ve always seemed to have some secret delight…as if every day of life was an adventure.  In spite of my hatred there were times I acknowledged to myself that you might just have come from some far off star”  (Anne of Windy Poplars, p. 150).

OH.  To be described as having a secret delight… facing every day as if it was an adventure…

And then it hit me.

Shouldn’t this describe every Christian?

I mean, if I really sit and think about it, Jesus has promised us abundant life.

“…The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

And yet, instead of realizing that we are eternally secure, and that God provides us with everything we need (I Timothy 6:17-19; II Peter 1:3), we focus on what we think we are missing.  And we miss out on the adventure God has in store for us!

Sometimes, it just takes a glance from a hawk to snap us back into reality.  Life is beautiful.  And the One who feeds the sparrows is the same One who cares for us.  Why do we worry?  Life should be flowing out of us!  The Spirit of God lives in us and empowers us each day (Romans 8:11) if we only get ourselves out of the way.  Do people see our secret delight?  And should it be a secret?

So, may “I sing because I’m happy…I sing because I’m free…His eye is on the sparrow….and I know He watches me”.

Spring

Yesterday was Easter.
It was an absolutely gorgeous day – full of sunshine and “spring-y-ness”. And at church, we focused on thoughts of Christ and his death and resurrection. That’s what this season is all about! Yet, I found myself thinking – “They can’t tell me anything new…I’ve heard this all before.” And I felt myself zoning out.

How shameful! And sad. To think that I could already know all there is to know about my Savior’s love for me? But how often I fall into the trap of pride – thinking I know things and missing out on what God is trying to teach me.

It made me think of an older hymn by A. Katherine Hankey:

I love to tell the story of unseen things above,
Of Jesus and His glory, of Jesus and His love.
I love to tell the story, because I know ’tis true;
It satisfies my longings as nothing else can do.

I love to tell the story, ’twill be my theme in glory,
To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

I love to tell the story; more wonderful it seems
Than all the golden fancies of all our golden dreams.
I love to tell the story, it did so much for me;
And that is just the reason I tell it now to thee.

I love to tell the story; ’tis pleasant to repeat
What seems, each time I tell it, more wonderfully sweet.
I love to tell the story, for some have never heard
The message of salvation from God’s own holy Word.

I love to tell the story, for those who know it best
Seem hungering and thirsting to hear it like the rest.
And when, in scenes of glory, I sing the new, new song,
’Twill be the old, old story that I have loved so long.

That last verse always gets me. Those who know it best are hungering and thirsting to hear it like the rest… What better thing to dwell on than this WONDERFUL story!?!?

I’m just about to leave for good ol’ NC after spending some time in PA. I’ve spent fabulous time with family and friends, visited beautiful places, read lovely books, and worked on papers for my Masters work. (woo hoo!)

I’ve been re-reading through my Anne of Green Gables series, and found this quote in Anne of Windy Poplars which seemed to sum up how I’m feeling about leaving home:

“I came up today, bag and baggage. Of course I hated to leave Green Gables. No matter how often and long I’m away from it, the minute a vacation comes I’m part of it again as if I had never been away, and my heart is torn over leaving it. But I know I’ll like it here…” (L.M. Montgomery, p. 12).

I love home. I love my family more. But I know that God is taking me exactly where I need to go. I need to focus on His story – the one that is more glorious than “all the golden fancies of all my golden dreams”. And...He’s writing my story – and the time and place he has determined for me is NC right now. And I will go – I know that I’ll like it there – because Jesus is with me wherever I go!

One of the things I had to read for class this week was a chapter of Henry David Thoreau’s book – and this quote stuck out to me:

“We should be blessed if we lived in the present always, and took advantage of every accident that befell us, like the grass which confesses the influence of the slightest dew that falls on it; and did not spend our time in atoning for the neglect of past opportunities, which we call doing our
duty. We loiter in winter while it is already spring.” (Thoreau)

I don’t think anything is accidental. I do think God has planned my story out – and I thank Him for a new springtime! May I not loiter in winter when He has already given me spring.

And what better way to start spring than to remember the old, old story – of Jesus and His love.