Hawks & Sparrows

This afternoon, while planting seeds in my flower pots, I lifted my head and stared directly into the gaze of a red-shouldered hawk.  (That’s my best guess as to the species).  It was breath-taking.  He was resting on a branch, probably 25 feet away and directly in my line of vision.  And when we locked eyes, I was so startled that I burst out, “Hi!” 

He stared at me for a moment, then unfurled his wings and took off…and I ran after him to see if I could catch another glimpse. 

But he was gone.

I don’t know about you, but moments like that are so exciting.  Seeing the unexpected, like the fox that turned and looked at me right outside my window a few nights ago, or the clear night sky studded with diamond-like stars, just makes me think – life is beautiful! 

How often I must miss the wonderful, the delightful…because I am too busy looking at myself. 

In the past two weeks, I have been thinking about fullness of life.  My thoughts were really spurred on by a quote from yet another of the L.M. Montgomery books.  In this quote, a fellow teacher is describing Anne, and the reason for her bitterness/jealousy of her for the previous year:

“You come into a room delightfully…oh, how I remember you into school that first morning.  But I think the real reason I’ve hated you so is that you’ve always seemed to have some secret delight…as if every day of life was an adventure.  In spite of my hatred there were times I acknowledged to myself that you might just have come from some far off star”  (Anne of Windy Poplars, p. 150).

OH.  To be described as having a secret delight… facing every day as if it was an adventure…

And then it hit me.

Shouldn’t this describe every Christian?

I mean, if I really sit and think about it, Jesus has promised us abundant life.

“…The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  John 10:10

And yet, instead of realizing that we are eternally secure, and that God provides us with everything we need (I Timothy 6:17-19; II Peter 1:3), we focus on what we think we are missing.  And we miss out on the adventure God has in store for us!

Sometimes, it just takes a glance from a hawk to snap us back into reality.  Life is beautiful.  And the One who feeds the sparrows is the same One who cares for us.  Why do we worry?  Life should be flowing out of us!  The Spirit of God lives in us and empowers us each day (Romans 8:11) if we only get ourselves out of the way.  Do people see our secret delight?  And should it be a secret?

So, may “I sing because I’m happy…I sing because I’m free…His eye is on the sparrow….and I know He watches me”.

Spring

Yesterday was Easter.
It was an absolutely gorgeous day – full of sunshine and “spring-y-ness”. And at church, we focused on thoughts of Christ and his death and resurrection. That’s what this season is all about! Yet, I found myself thinking – “They can’t tell me anything new…I’ve heard this all before.” And I felt myself zoning out.

How shameful! And sad. To think that I could already know all there is to know about my Savior’s love for me? But how often I fall into the trap of pride – thinking I know things and missing out on what God is trying to teach me.

It made me think of an older hymn by A. Katherine Hankey:

I love to tell the story of unseen things above,
Of Jesus and His glory, of Jesus and His love.
I love to tell the story, because I know ’tis true;
It satisfies my longings as nothing else can do.

I love to tell the story, ’twill be my theme in glory,
To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

I love to tell the story; more wonderful it seems
Than all the golden fancies of all our golden dreams.
I love to tell the story, it did so much for me;
And that is just the reason I tell it now to thee.

I love to tell the story; ’tis pleasant to repeat
What seems, each time I tell it, more wonderfully sweet.
I love to tell the story, for some have never heard
The message of salvation from God’s own holy Word.

I love to tell the story, for those who know it best
Seem hungering and thirsting to hear it like the rest.
And when, in scenes of glory, I sing the new, new song,
’Twill be the old, old story that I have loved so long.

That last verse always gets me. Those who know it best are hungering and thirsting to hear it like the rest… What better thing to dwell on than this WONDERFUL story!?!?

I’m just about to leave for good ol’ NC after spending some time in PA. I’ve spent fabulous time with family and friends, visited beautiful places, read lovely books, and worked on papers for my Masters work. (woo hoo!)

I’ve been re-reading through my Anne of Green Gables series, and found this quote in Anne of Windy Poplars which seemed to sum up how I’m feeling about leaving home:

“I came up today, bag and baggage. Of course I hated to leave Green Gables. No matter how often and long I’m away from it, the minute a vacation comes I’m part of it again as if I had never been away, and my heart is torn over leaving it. But I know I’ll like it here…” (L.M. Montgomery, p. 12).

I love home. I love my family more. But I know that God is taking me exactly where I need to go. I need to focus on His story – the one that is more glorious than “all the golden fancies of all my golden dreams”. And...He’s writing my story – and the time and place he has determined for me is NC right now. And I will go – I know that I’ll like it there – because Jesus is with me wherever I go!

One of the things I had to read for class this week was a chapter of Henry David Thoreau’s book – and this quote stuck out to me:

“We should be blessed if we lived in the present always, and took advantage of every accident that befell us, like the grass which confesses the influence of the slightest dew that falls on it; and did not spend our time in atoning for the neglect of past opportunities, which we call doing our
duty. We loiter in winter while it is already spring.” (Thoreau)

I don’t think anything is accidental. I do think God has planned my story out – and I thank Him for a new springtime! May I not loiter in winter when He has already given me spring.

And what better way to start spring than to remember the old, old story – of Jesus and His love.

Inadequacy

Do you ever feel inadequate?

I often find myself in one of two extremes. I either find myself thinking that I am God’s gift to the world (which is SO not true :)) or I find myself thinking that I am despicable…how could God ever use me? (this second option is much more realistic...)

But when I stand in front of high school students every day…when I share what I know about the Bible and Biology…when I learn with them about things we both don’t know…I think, “There must be someone better for this job.”

And so, yet again, God leads me back to His Word for wisdom.

“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competency comes from God.” II Corinthians 3:5

“…We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” II Corinthians 1:8-9

Being competent in God. Relying on God.

W. Ian Thomas learned this in his life, and his words are always an encouragement to me:
“It just came from every area of God’s Word, and very kindly and very lovingly the Lord seemed to make it plain to me that night, through my tears of bitterness: ‘You see, for seven years, with utmost sincerity, you have been trying to live for Me, on My behalf, the life that I have been waiting for seven years to live through you. I have been there the whole time. All the things you have been pleading for, all the things for which you have been asking, have been yours since the day seven years ago, at your request and invitation, I came into your heart at that Crusader boys’ camp; but you see, although you have given mental consent to the truth that I have been in your heart, and have accepted it as a theory, you have lived totally ignoring the fact. You have been busy trying to do for Me all that I can only do through you. Now supposing I am your life, and you begin to accept it as fact, then I am your strength! You have been pleading and begging for that for seven years. I am your victory in every area of your life, if you want it!’” (Edman, V.R. They Found the Secret. 1984)

So, it’s true! There is someone better for my job.

Jesus.

Am I letting Him live His life through me?

Luke 6:45 says, “For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks.” What is in my heart? Am I filling it with other things (like complaining or anger) that come out instead of Christ when I am squeezed? Or, can I truly say an Amen to this verse: “As they make music they will sing, ‘All my fountains are in You.’” (Psalm 87:7)?

May His words, wisdom, and joy flow out of my life…because my heart is filled with nothing less than Jesus.

And when we're talking about Jesus, inadequacy is never a problem.

He does everything well.

Running

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” I Corinthians 9:24-25

My swim season is officially over. Hard to believe that the year is flying by so quickly! I Corinthians 9:24-25 was our theme verse of the year…because running and swimming are so interchangeable. (haha). But looking at the verse again –it’s so applicable in all of life – not just sports.

Running to get the prize.

Olympic athlete’s crowns/medals will only last so long…but am I working for the prize that really matters?

Last night, I was reading All Things For Good by Thomas Watson, and was blown away by this section (now, keep in mind, this was first published in 1663):

“The wicked are swift…in sin. And do we creep like snails in religion? Shall impure sinners do the devil more service than we do Christ? Shall they make more haste to a prison, than we do to a kingdom? Are they ever weary of sinning and are we weary of praying? Have we not a better Master than they? Are not the paths of virtue pleasant? Is there not joy in the way of duty, and heaven at the end? The activity of the sons of Belial in sin is a spur to the godly to make them mend their pace, and run the faster to heaven.”

It is quite a shame when we portray the gospel…when we portray Christ…as something not worth our time and effort. When it seems to those watching us that Jesus isn't worth running after.

In the 2009 movie, To Save a Life, Jake looks around a youth group and asks them: “What’s the point of all this if you’re not going to let it change you?”

May we mend our pace. May we seek what really matters…not perishable things, such as silver or gold. May we RUN to Jesus.

The Latter End

It’s getting harder to summarize the big lessons God has been teaching me every two weeks – because I look back and realize how many of them there are! I’m going to share 3 quotes that have inspired me these past two weeks. I hope they are an encouragement to others, too!

1. “Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.” Dean Acheson

I had to chuckle when I read this quote. Who would have thought that a quote from a social marketing book would make it into my journal? But how I needed to be reminded about Time. How much I run ahead of tomorrow – looking and trying to figure it all out. And Jesus went even deeper than the previous quote when He said: “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) The Psalm-writer also talked about time and he noted: “But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands…” (Psalm 31:14-15a) What a comfort to realize my
time is in God’s hands.

2. “Only God can be God. Allow Him to live out His divine life through you. He is the only one who can.” Blackaby

This quote from Blackaby stopped me in my tracks. In these past two weeks I have felt overwhelmed and a bit at the end of my rope. And if I think I can do it all on my own….ha. Now, I do believe that there are lessons regarding piling my plate too high that I need to learn through the experience of this year. But I also need to learn that God is the only one who can sustain me and give me strength. And am I praying for His Spirit to work through me? Do I wait expectantly for how He will help me through what seems impossible? And do I realize that I am supposed to be merely a “channel” for the Lord to flow through to those I meet?

3. “Let us so live and enjoy the Lord that we will be glad when that latter end comes.” Dr. Arthur Garnes

I love listening to recordings of Dr. Garnes’ messages. He was such a wise, wise man. And whenever he spoke, he referred to Christians as “Beloved”. Because we are the beloved of the Lord! I went online today and found a message of his entitled, “The Latter End”, which looks
at the ends of people’s lives. It is even more meaningful to hear it because Dr. Garnes has since gone on to be with the Lord. Here are a few good points from it:

• “If only they were wise and would understand this and discern what their end will be!”
  Deuteronomy 32:29
• Ecclesiastes 7:8 “The end of a matter is better than its beginning…”
• Examples: Moses (Deut 34:5), Asa (2 Chronicles 16:13-14), Jehoram (2 Chronicles 21:18), Athaliah (2 Chronicles 23:21), Jehoiakim (Jeremiah 22:18), Abel (Hebrews 11:4)
• He talked of a man who said, “I don’t want to rust out; I want to wear out.”
• And then he said, “Oh, Beloved, what is your latter end going to be?”

I need to live life one day at a time. I need to not worry about the future…not even tomorrow. I need to let God live through me…and not struggle on my own. And I need to make sure that I press on. I don’t want to rust out…I want to live each day to the fullest and wear out…so that my
end is better than my beginning. It is one thing to start well - it is another thing to finish well.

As Dr. Garnes said, “Let us so live, that at the latter end God will say, ‘Well done’.” (Matthew 25:14)

And this year…may I complete it, running the race (of teaching, Masters work, coaching, etc) and finishing it, focused on only one pair of hands clapping: God’s.

Whose Face?

Faces. How important they are. How expressive they are.
I mean, really, who wants to say "Hi" to the back of someone's head?

And when talking about God – how much we need to see His face. The Bible is full of verses about God’s face. Some are expressions of people begging to see His face:

• I Chronicles 16:11 “Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.”
  


• Psalm 4:6 “…Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.”
  


• Psalm 27:8 “My heart says of you, ‘Seek his face!’ Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
  


• Psalm 31:16 “Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.”
  


• Psalm 80:3 “Restore us, O God; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved.” (80:7, 80:19)
  


• Psalm 119:135 “Make your face shine upon your servant and teach me your decrees.”
  

Some verses are records of what happens when God turned His face away:

• Deuteronomy 31:17 “On that day I will become angry with them and forsake them; I will hide my face from them, and they will be destroyed…”



• Isaiah 59:2 “But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.”
  


• Ezekiel 15:7 “I will set my face against them. Although they have come out of the fire, the fire will yet consume them. And when I set my face against them, you will know that I am the LORD.”
  


• I Peter 3:12 “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
  

And some verses show us the benefit of seeking after His face:

• Psalm 17:15 “And I – in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.”
  


• Psalm 34:5 “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”

Why have I looked up all of these verses about God’s face? Well, you may say that God has started me on a “face” journey this past week and a half. It started with a message I heard last Sunday at my church. James, the guy who was speaking, said:

“It is a dangerous thing to come before the seat of power without being invited.”

He was trying to make us relook at a very familiar passage, Hebrews 4:16. In it we are told to “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” That is not how most people approach royalty. We can even see how dangerous it normally is through stories found in Esther 4 (where she could die if she was not invited to approach the throne) and then Leviticus 10 (where two men were killed for not following God’s commands in approaching Him).

And yet….we are told to approach God's throne with confidence!
In doing so, we are seeking His face.

James ended his message by asking the question:

“What kind of insult is it to be invited by the King into His throne room and not bother to show up?”

Ooh. How often do I honestly approach His throne of grace and strive to seek His face?

So the question came up: WHOSE FACE DO I SEEK? God's? My own (in the mirror)? Others?

Throughout the week, I stumbled on other verses referring to God’s face (Jeremiah 18:17), but it wasn’t just God’s face that was brought to my attention this week. It was also… Facebook.

A few days ago, I saw a poem written & performed by Marshall Soulful Jones. The words were pretty thought-provoking:

“It used to be hard to connect when friends form cliques but it’s even more difficult to connect now that clicks form friends…I face facebook more than books face me hoping to book face the faces…I-pod, I-mac, I-phone, I-chat…I can do all of these things without making eye-contact.”

And if that wasn’t enough to get my thoughts going, I then got an email from a friend yesterday, with a link to his blog called To Facebook or Not (http://tofacebookornot.blogspot.com/). And that made me think a lot, too.

Really – Facebook is an amazing technology that can connect me with friends all over the world. But I have recently found that I am wasting and frittering time away on Facebook – learning about friends, and never truly talking with them.

Which brought me back to thoughts about Christ. Am I only learning about Christ? Do I truly talk with Him? Do I come before his throne of grace? Do I make time for truly seeking His face?

Exodus 33:11 tells us that “The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend…” Yes, please!

Last night, I decided to take the challenge and turn off Facebook for a month. It's not that I am saying I'd never turn it on again. But I think I need some time to focus on important things - not looking at pictures of people I haven't seen in 5 years.

And this morning…guess what thoughts kept coming up at church? Thoughts of God’s worthiness and seeking His face.

• Song of Solomon 5:10-16 “…He is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this is my friend…”
  


• II Corinthians 4:6 “For God, who said, ‘ Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”
  


• 
  
  We ended with a beautiful song called “Immanuel’s Land”. The last verse says:
  

“The bride eyes not her garment, But her dear Bridegroom’s face
I will not gaze at glory, But on my King of grace
Not at the crown He giveth, But on His pierced hand
The Lamb is all the glory Of Immanuel’s land.”

The face of Christ.

That is worth gazing at.

And my hope is that in this next month, with time freed from frittering on Facebook – I will spend some more time at Jesus’ feet, gazing up at His face, and learning how to better live like Him!

(….and spending some quality time with real, live people friends...not the facebook variety :))

I am but a dog.

This past week I had the privilege of giving my testimony at the high school where I teach. We have convocation almost every morning – it’s about 10 minutes of announcements and a little devotional, and then we are off to conquer the day. Ten minutes is not very much time…and since I knew that I wouldn’t be able to tell my life story in that amount of time, I tried to think of what I could focus on. Now, I know that just like a witness giving a testimony in court, the point of the witness’s testimony is not to make much of the one speaking…but to make much of the one being spoken about.

So my goal was to make much of Jesus. :)

Truly, my testimony is that GOD IS GOOD. And He saved me…not because of anything I have done.

In order to help explain that simple testimony, I tried to use experiences from my life to show how amazing He is…and it all ended up revolving around one of the most important lessons God has taught me throughout my life:

I am but a dog.

Haha. I know what you’re thinking…. “What?!?!?” But please bear with me as I share a little of what God has done in my life.

In ancient cultures, dogs were not the adored animal that they are in America today. We see Bible references to them licking up blood in the streets (specifically Ahab’s & Jezebel’s in I Kings). We see Mephibosheth, grandson of Saul, telling David, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” (2 Samuel 9:8)

Being like a dog was being worth next to nothing. And I believe that the story of my life revolves around God reminding me that I am nothing, and He is everything. (Romans 4:17, I Corinthians 1:28)

When I was born, my wonderful parents gave me the name Alexis. They could have given me a much longer Greek name, after my grandmother, but they decided to make spelling my name in first grade a much easier task. However, even before I was born they discussed the possibilities of nicknames. And my dad firmly decided that there was no way my nickname could be “Alex”. And here was his reasoning: if I was as ugly as a dog, no one would be able to tell if I was a boy or girl. And since then, I have been known as “Lexi”. :)

Haha. It’s a true story! And don’t worry – my dad doesn’t think I look like a dog. :) (And he’s the best earthly dad I could ever ask for…it’s always fun to have a jokester around). But as you can see, from an early start…being like a dog was something I was not supposed to be.

Both of my parents came to know Jesus Christ as their Savior soon after I was born, and I consider it one of the greatest blessings of my life that they were “saved” at the same time. I grew up going to church and Christian schools all throughout my life, but never felt like Christianity was forced down my throat. Because of my interactions with the people who believed in Jesus and their testimonies, I, too, accepted Jesus as my Savior.

I remember when I was five years old, and my mother sat me down at the kitchen table and explained to me what it meant for Jesus Christ to die on the cross. She told me that I had done wrong things and that Jesus took my punishment for those things. (I think this made sense to me because of my vast life experience at this age…which included pepper. Whenever we talked back or lied to our parents, my brother & I would get black pepper in our mouths instead of soap. One time, Stephen, my big brother, took the pepper instead of me – and that has always be such a good picture to me of someone taking my punishment when they didn’t have to. Isn’t my brother a great guy?) I remember crying and feeling so sorry that Jesus had to take the punishment for me – and I thanked him right there and asked if he would come be a part of my life.

Granted, when you are five, you don’t have the deepest grasp of what being a Christian means. However, God does ask for childlike faith – and becoming a Christian is so much more simple than we make it! Yet, at the wise age of eleven, I started to wonder if I really meant what I had said 6 years before. So, I went through a period of about a week of every night asking Jesus to save me from the punishment I deserved and telling him I wanted to follow him. My mom caught on and asked me what I was doing…and then told me that confessing my sins and asking Jesus to be Lord of my life (Romans 10:9) was a once and done deal. Now I just needed to follow him as a way of showing my thankfulness. And a weight was lifted!

From that point on, I have been following the Lord, and walking with him. I have never gone through any outward rebellious stages (though my heart is not always focused where it should be), but I have been constantly reminded in my life how much more I need to strive after him. I have realized so many times how I am not as close to Him as I should be…and how much more I need to learn.

There has been one main reason for that lack of closeness: PRIDE.

I grew up, as I mentioned before, in Christian schooling. Yet, I valued many things that the world told me to value: awards & achievements in athletics, academics, popularity, etc. I was pretty confident in myself. And God, in His grace, has kept reminding me that I am nothing and He is everything.


Let me give you 3 examples:
1. The summer before my freshman year of high school, I hit my head on concrete while jumping into a pool. I was paralyzed while underwater and really thought it was the end. (Mostly because the game I had jumped into the water for involved holding your breath at the bottom of the pool. Ha.) Yet, miraculously I was suddenly at the surface of the water…able to move again. I had remnants of that injury for months afterwards. It turns out my head wasn’t on straight anymore – I had knocked some vertebrae out of place. But oh – what a reminder that our physical bodies are so fragile! I could lose function at any time. Athletic achievements were not something to place my worth or value in.
2. My high school took us on retreats every year. My sophomore year we went to a camp where a speaker came and told us a story highlighting what it means to really be a Christian. He described four different types of soldiers as examples for Christians, and then during the last time he spoke, asked if anyone could stand up and truly say they were a Level 4 Christian – one who would go anywhere and do anything for their commanding officer. And I started crying. And I stayed in my seat. Because I knew that at that time in my life, I was not a Level 4 soldier. And it broke my heart.
3. The summer after my sophomore year of college, I heard some devastating news. My friend, Lauren C., had died while hiking in NY State. Going to the funeral and seeing the body of someone who had once been so vibrant and full of life here made me realize how quickly life can be over. Am I spending my time on things that matter? What would be the testimony of my life after I was gone? Would my life reveal how much I thought about Jesus and loved Him? Or would it show that I was more concerned about my achievements than about loving Him?


The world had been telling me I was successful and doing okay. But God had been reminding me that it is the eternal things that are worth seeking after. The physical, temporal things that we seek after are not what measure our worth.

My worth comes from the fact that the God of the Universe loved me enough to give his Son to take my punishment. There’s nothing I can do to recommend me to God. Only through the precious blood of Jesus could I even hope to bring a smile to His face.

Since graduating from Grove City College, I have moved to Germany, then to Florida, and now reside in North Carolina. And every time I move, I leave a place where I feel like a “somebody”, and start over again as an unknown “nobody”. And I am reminded that I am nothing each time…but I belong to a Somebody who enables me to do good.

During my time in Grove City, I read a book called A Godly Man’s Picture by Thomas Watson. And I will never be able to forget this one quote:

“So I may say of all the good and excellence in us, ‘It is borrowed’…The moon has no cause to be proud of her light when she borrows it from the sun.”

Anything good I do is of Him! I have no reason to boast except in God (Galatians 6:14), and every reason to bow before God in humility.

Isaiah 26:12 says, “Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us.”

Pride needs to decrease. God needs to increase.

It’s not brain or brawn or eloquence that matters in the end. All those, in whatever measure I have them, are borrowed. The hymn writer, William Featherston, reminds us that “God lendest us breath”! I strive to please God by using the gifts he has given me…but truly I am nothing.

I am but a dog, loved by the King.

Wonder of wonders.

I ended my testimony at school by reading from one of my favorite passages in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. This quote is from The Last Battle, and it is the words of a Calormene describing his interaction with Aslan, the lion.

“Then he breathed upon me and took away the trembling from my limbs and caused me to stand upon my feet. And after that, he said not much but that we should meet again, and I must go further up and further in. Then he turned about him in a storm and flurry of gold and was gone suddenly.
And since then, O Kings and Ladies, I have been wandering to find him and my happiness is so great that it even weakens me like a wound. And this is the marvel of marvels, that He called me Beloved, me who am but as a dog – “

Amen.